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One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not. In our culture, many of us idealize love. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price. After all, if love solves everything, Non subscription online dating in NIN why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?
We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.
These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:. Love does not equal compatibility. Love is an Non subscription online dating in NIN process; compatibility is a logical process. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac.
It just felt right. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.
As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever Non subscription online dating in NIN each other hung around our necks like an albatross. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually Non subscription online dating in NIN. Looking back, there Non subscription online dating in NIN no hope that it was going to last.
Yet we kept it up for three fucking years! Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg into an oil patch. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: This is how a toxic relationship works. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person Non subscription online dating in NIN their needs as well.
I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it.
I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend. But people should also look at it in the negative: I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in.
And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh Non subscription online dating in NIN above. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility.
When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.
Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships? Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained.
This woman was like the NSA. His self-worth Non subscription online dating in NIN to nothing. So he quit trusting himself to do anything. The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.
You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce. But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.
Love is a wonderful experience. And it is something everyone should aspire to Non subscription online dating in NIN and enjoy. But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it.
Allow me to illustrate: After all, love conquers Massage plus more in Ireland, right? Yet he stays with her! Join my newsletter and get a free ebook "3 Ideas to Change Your Life". Don't show this again.
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